It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
