Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
