I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
