did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
