Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Vodka?
Forever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
