Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
