So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
