it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
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