I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
