The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
