Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
