I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
