A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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