grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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