I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
