My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
