Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
