I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
