Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
