The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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