I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
