How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
