There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
