there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
