I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
