maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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