All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
