he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
