Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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