I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
