I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
