I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
