Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
