if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
