If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
