Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
