I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dick very happy bro
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
