I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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