I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
