I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
