I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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