you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
