why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
