Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I understand Curling. That high.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
