He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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