i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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