absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
