She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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