great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
