So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
