I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ladies don't puke and tell
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
