Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
