Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
